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Ridiculous Web site of the month, part 3

There are those who wax nostalgic for Christian heavy metal (I'm not one of them). But even among that crowd, you rarely see the name Stryken mentioned. For good reason. I had succeeded in forgetting about this band, but then I ran across a reference to them, and it piqued my curiosity. I searched. Bad idea.

The page I've linked to appears to be part of a (mercifully) incomplete site called "History of Christian Metal." Perhaps it befits a band responsible for one of the worst record covers in the history of Christian rock, but this really is just about the most poorly written band biography I've ever run across. I could hardly bear to read it. Yet it manages to demonstrate the band members' naivete as well as the writer's lack of ability. See, the band used to be called Stryker, but a certain group of oversized bumblebees threatened to sue, claiming that the name was too similar to their own. So here's how Stryker became Stryken:

Joey didn't like the name of changing from a "r" to a "n" Steve and Dale felt God revealed this name to them but didn't reveal this to Joey. So they left the situation with God to reveal to Joey what name should be used. They felt if God was in the situation and unity was to abound, they left the situation with God and they waited on God to reveal Himself to Joey. They already had their answer from God and that the name for the band was to change to Stryken. Joey calls back to the members that night and says "It is to be Stryken" and from then on, everyone in the band new God was in control of the band.
Of course, if you keep reading, it becomes apparent that if God is in control of the band, then He must be one of the most inept band managers ever.

There's another site devoted to this band, with, Lord help us all, some MP3 clips. In the interest of preserving what's left of my self-respect, I did not listen to them.


Blogger Michael Crowley said...

I have forgone self-respect, I guess, because I tried listening to one of the MP3's. It was, apparently, a power ballad arrangement of "Away in a Manger", sung in the usual nasal whine, and I found it at least as hilarious as "We're Not Gonna Take It" by Twisted Sister, which is my all time favorite "you have to be kidding me!" band.

I'd be interested to know on what desperate shore they've washed up on since the hairy 80's. My regret is that no Christian filmmaker has ever done a "Spinal Tap" style film about Evangelical Hair Bands. These guys would be in the running for it.

4:30 PM  
Blogger jasdye said...

michael, no one needed to do a parody. you can't parody a parody.

what i gathered from that passage is that God told them to call themselves 'Stryken', apparently alluding to the prophet Hosea's children and making a bold reference to the hedonism of the 'Me' decade.

and much like Hosea, they went unheeded.

i wish God had told that web designer how to write coherently.

4:17 PM  
Blogger Michael Crowley said...

I wasn't really in the market to do a parody of a parody per se, unless you meant to imply that Stryken or any of their ilk are living parodies of real bands. What I'm more interested in is Christians being able to parody themselves, to laugh at that which is truly laughable (I mean, c'mon, what passage in the Bible justifies the use of that much mousse?) Laughter is purifying. Didn't Luther tell his disciples to laugh and jeer and flout the devil if they couldn't drive him out by any other means? How else are we as a church to regain our balance unless we can, from time to time, laugh at the silliness we get up to in Jesus' name?

2:44 PM  
Blogger jasdye said...

o no, Michael. i meant simply that Christian hair metal are parodies unto themselves.

how could you parody tammy fae bakker. let tammy fae be tammy fae. it's its own living parody.

9:42 PM  

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