Literary action figures

Standing on my desk right now, courtesy of Archie McPhee, are two "literary action figures": William Shakespeare and Edgar Allan Poe. They're reasonable enough likenesses, but neither can sit down, which in a writer would seem to be an unfortunate oversight.

The other day my friend Michael and I brainstormed some additional literary action figures we'd like to see:

Joseph Mitchell
Comes into the office every day for 32 years; sits and stares at its typewriter. Now with Extra Heavy-Duty Writer’s Block, and Real Tears of Regret for a Talent Wasted.

Sylvia Plath
Complete with Crawling and Asphyxiating Motion! For extra fun, get the Wax-Headed model!

Hunter S. Thompson
Will do anything it sees you doing, just to see what it feels like. Adults only.

Emily Dickinson
Will not come out of its packaging—and isn’t meant to.

Richard Dawkins
Asks, with a smirk, “If Archie McPhee made me, who made Archie McPhee?”

Ernest Hemingway
For longer product life, avoid simultaneous use of the Hennessy Bottle and Shotgun accessories.

Dylan Thomas
Unsteady, with thrilling Stumble/Fall sequence. Speaks beautifully; swears horribly. Secondhand accessories included, but may be exchanged for Rotgut.

Oscar Wilde*
Armed only with a Pen, but still fights an impressive Battle of Wits. Not appropriate for young boys.

Ambrose Bierce
Not intended for use as a chew toy; leaves bitter aftertaste. Rinse thoroughly after contact. May wander off to Mexico in search of Pancho Villa.

I imagine we'll add more to the list later, but that's enough for now. Must go and sharpen my quill.

*Shoot, ol' Archie has beaten us to the punch on this one.