Literary action figures
The other day my friend Michael and I brainstormed some additional literary action figures we'd like to see:
Comes into the office every day for 32 years; sits and stares at its typewriter. Now with Extra Heavy-Duty Writer’s Block, and Real Tears of Regret for a Talent Wasted.
Complete with Crawling and Asphyxiating Motion! For extra fun, get the Wax-Headed model!
Hunter S. Thompson
Will do anything it sees you doing, just to see what it feels like. Adults only.
Will not come out of its packaging—and isn’t meant to.
Asks, with a smirk, “If Archie McPhee made me, who made Archie McPhee?”
For longer product life, avoid simultaneous use of the Hennessy Bottle and Shotgun accessories.
Unsteady, with thrilling Stumble/Fall sequence. Speaks beautifully; swears horribly. Secondhand accessories included, but may be exchanged for Rotgut.
Armed only with a Pen, but still fights an impressive Battle of Wits. Not appropriate for young boys.
Not intended for use as a chew toy; leaves bitter aftertaste. Rinse thoroughly after contact. May wander off to
*Shoot, ol' Archie has beaten us to the punch on this one.