More Literary Action Figures
The first of our action figures with the built-in Recitation Feature — but pull that string at your own risk, unless you've got unlimited time on your hands. Generally well-behaved, but tends to stroll downtown and give public readings every June 16.
(I'll probably get in trouble for this next one, but here goes...)
L. Ron Hubbard
Complete with Private Yacht, Attendants, and Highly Fictionalized Autobiography, but no Passport available. Other accessories, including Complete Science Fiction Library and Mini E-Meter (works just like the real thing!), are sold separately, starting at $1,200, but they're worth whatever you have to sacrifice for them. Also sold separately: Premium Nutcase Celebrity accessory packages, as follows. $1 million: Isaac Hayes. $2 million: Kirstie Alley. $5 million: John Travolta. $25 million: Tom freakin' CRUISE, baby! (Oprah's Couch not included.) Sure, maybe you could get along without owning it, but you might want to ask yourself: "Am I a happy literary action figure collector?"
William S. Burroughs
The holes in the left arm are NOT a manufacturing defect, silly. They are in fact precision-engineered to fit the Needle accessory.
Typewriter accessory features Endless Loop of Paper.
J. D. Salinger
Extremely limited edition. Currently out of stock.
The coolest accessory package, by far. But warn your other action figures not to borrow the Exploding Pen.
Does it belong under Novelists, or Autobiographers? You decide.
e. e. cummings